Probably not, but hopefully you are. You know its wierd without you right now did you know that?

Its different you know, without you here.

I mean sure you were gone for a while, for some stuff with your family.

But its different now, somehow.

Because your no longer here in this earth.

Its a wierd feeling.

I'll tell you that.

And this numbness doesn't feel so numb right now.

I honestly didn't think that your accident would affect much.

But it looks like it did.

But you know your an awsome guy.

That had terrific advice.

Advice that I'm starting to take now.

Thanks for everything.

For all those times that we would spend together alone just talking, just the two of us.

You know, I remember one very good piece of advice you gave me once "Keep looking up, no matter when things have you confused, keep looking up and you'll see the light!"

I playfully laughed when you told me that.

Then we talked about cars afterwards but that has nothing to do with this.

You know Jeffrey, you were one heck of a guy.

The best I'll tell you that.

And I was so hard headed all those times when you would advice me for my well being.

All those times that you were just looking out for me.

I said I'd take your advice and I would but rarely.

You know I think I understand now.

What you meant the last time we had a long talk.

Those words, I can still hear them in my mind very clearly.

So thank you, I really mean it Jeff thank you.

Those words have helped now more than ever.

And thanks to them I have found the answer I was looking so desperatly for.

I can move on with my life.

Set the keys in motion again and continue to walk in this path called life.

So thanks, for everthing.

Thanks to you I have gotten over something that I wanted to get over.

In doing so I think I ignored her during the day.

That was my fault, I guess I didn't really want to talk to anyone today.

I did talk to some people so as not stand out.

You understand how school is.

I didn't want to talk to her today because I was still organizing my thoughts, still getting everything clear up in there.

I know for a fact that if you were at our school and had seen me today, you would have more or less forcibly grabbed me and pushed me to go say at least something to her.

I know you a bit to well Jeff sometimes to know what you'd probably do.

All in all it left this nostalgic feeling of sorts.

But I can't really describe bacause I really can't feel the whole feelings.

I mean I do feel it but not complete as a whole how the feeling should feel.

Or I'm probably just wording this wrong again and so I'll finish this sentence at that.

Hey tell me did you ever set that high jump record you were so dead set to set?

I didn't ask you last time I saw you.

Oh for the record I kissed her hand already so that one was for you.

Remember the conversation., "Hey can you promise me something?"

"So long as it doesn't involve me in a chuck-e-cheese mouse outfit sure I'll do it!"

"If I don't get the chance to meet her-"

"huh?"

"If something were to happen to me and I didn't get the chance to meet her then would you-"

"Would I what? Come on out with it man!"

"Would you give her a kiss on the cheek for me?"

"Wait? Hold on a sec what?"

"Would you?"

"Who are we talking about?"

"You know who!"

"Fine fine calm down pansy, why would you ask me this you know my answer already"

"Tell me then"

"No"

You promised me already you said I'll do it!"

"I say no because you'll meet her someday and you'll be able to do it yourself then so you don't need me to do it for you"

"Just promise me!Please!"

"Fine whatever!"

"Thanks"

"Just know you owe me for this"

Well I didn't necessarily kiss her on the cheek but I kissed her hand.

Cheek would have been to wierd in our day and age.

I will tell you this though its all thanks to you that I've been able to get over this thing that I really wanted to get over.

And also helped me to understand some things about myself.

I remember when I told you I batted for the other team you looked at me as if I had shot you.

But you were very understanding.

But there was something that you would always say after our conversations related to my sexuality.

"You've still yet to find yourself, hopefully you'll see that your just confused"

I remember sometimes just shrugging it off.

And other times playfully fighting with you over it.

Its strange to say but I've noticed that I think I may have an attraction for a boy.

Its wierd though but maybe not at the same time.

Maybe you were right.

And maybe you weren't I'm still not quite sure.

I'd like to be.

But I don't know anymore.

Its as you said Jeff.

"Its like when you finally think you've got your orientation figured out, life just throws you a fast one again and your back were you started"

I guess I just got thrown a fast one again Jeff.

You goofball, your gone but yet your still here.

In the heart, so in a way your not really gone but your still here.

Except this time your everywhere I go.

All the times I'm alone or just walking to classes your right there with me.

Haha! Its an awsome thing! To still have you with me.

I still hope to write more Memories of the memories that we had together and with our friends.

Hey did you know that Halloween is this saturday!

It'll be different I'll tell you that.

No more of your guyses fake blood concocktion. I probably spelled that wrong.

It took forever to get that thing off of my m&m costum that night and the whold two weeks after that.

I will say this though it was really sweet of you to buy me a new one though.

Oh and hey Vanya, Pasha, Sergey, Sergio, Yumi, Candice, Letty, James, Jay, Shefali, Kaylee, Jacki, William, Jake, Robert, Chase, Gwen, Maciber, Steven, Riven, Stan, Monique, Jospeh, Jessei, Chad, Allen, Hamelton, Harry, Damien, Stella, Liem, Oregen, Kyle, Tram, Wesley, Shawn, Chriz, Nate, Penelope, Quinten, Eddie, Ugeen, Issac, Oscar, Justine, Brent, Nigel, Maisy and many many more people here wish you the best and will keep you close in our hearts.

We all wish you the best.

Good luck up there!